Yo! It's dade.

( this way )

Liar (2009)
Written by: Justine Larbalestier
Genre: YA/Fiction
Pages: 371 (Hardcover)

The premise: ganked from BN.com: Micah will freely admit she’s a compulsive liar, but that may be the one honest thing she’ll ever tell you. Over the years she’s fooled everyone: her classmates, her teachers, even her parents. And she’s always managed to stay one step ahead of her lies. That is, until her boyfriend dies under brutal circumstances and her dishonesty begins to catch up with her. But is it possible to tell the truth when lying comes as easily as breathing?

Taking listeners deep into the psyche of a young woman who will say just about anything to convince them — and herself — that she’s finally come clean, Liar is a bone-chilling thriller that will have listeners seesawing between truths and lies right up to the end. Honestly.

My Rating

Keeper Shelf: there are very, very, VERY few books that I want to keep around to re-read over and over and over, but this is definitely one of them. The book engaged me on so many levels that I can't wait to read it again and see how the story changes. And because of the book's deliberate yet delightful ambiguity, this is a book I can enjoy over and over and come away with a different interpretation every time. If you're a reader who absolutely MUST HAVE a DEFINITE ENDING with DEFINITE ANSWERS, you may want to shy away from this one. But oh, that'd be a shame. This book is so well-crafted that you'd be missing out on a really great story. Like I said, whether you read YA or not, if you only ever read ONE novel in your life that's targeted to YA, you should read this one. Because it transcends age. It transcends genre. It's a memorable book that I won't soon forget, and once you read it, you won't either.

Review style: short and sweet and ABSOLUTELY NO SPOILERS. You will RUIN this book if you spoil it for yourself, even if you spoil yourself a little bit. The full review just lists five reasons why you should give this book a shot, so if you're interested, feel free to click the link below to my LJ. As always, comments and discussion are most welcome. :)

REVIEW: Justine Larbalestier's LIAR

Happy Reading! :)

( introduction, previously posted to femme_ftm )

A few days ago, on Christmas, I was speaking with my semi-estranged mother over the phone. I generally make it a point to tell her as little as possible about my life, due to past issues with such things, but I had been contemplating whether or not it would be appropriate to formally come out to her. A few months ago, on National Coming Out Day, I posted everything about my bisexuality/transness to Facebook, and figured that would suffice. I heard nothing further about the matter from her, so I figured she had not seen it. Then, out of the blue, when I was talking to her on Christmas, she brought it up and said that she was completely okay with it and wanted me to know she supports me. ;_;
After some discussion, though, it came up that she's not really sure of the differentiation between transgender, transexual, and just being a tomboy, and she really wasn't sure she had the mental capacity to fathom it, so while not everything is sorted out completely, we have agreed to settle her understanding of the discussion on the fact that I do not think of myself as a woman, and she should probably not buy me pink sweaters or be weirded out by me looking like a dude. She doesn't know my new name yet, though. Baby steps, I guess.

x-posted to femme_ftm

( First, an introduction... )

I am on several IRC channels and almost everyone on them knows me as someone who was born a boy, not just a male in the body of a girl. One of these channels in particular is filled with con-goers of a music and gaming festival starting the 31st. Five of them have met me in person and know my name on the channel. About twenty of them have started to become more or less friends with me. My days where I can hide behind my monitor are numbered. My not-as-androgynous-as-I'd-like body will be exposed, and I doubt they'll see my reason behind introducing myself as a guy. I'm close with a lot of the core staff and am even helping out in the LAN room this year. However... I feel I am going to be made fun of for seeing myself as a male. Does anyone here have any words of wisdom or thoughts they'd like to share regarding this issue? It's been on my mind almost non-stop for the past few days.

The Blurb On The Back:

Shall I tell you about the year I discovered love?

I’d been kicked out of two boarding schools and the last thing I wanted was to be here, on the East Anglian coast in a third.

But without St Oswald’s, I would not have discovered the fisherman’s hut with its roaring fire, its striped blankets, its sea monster stew.

Without St Oswald’s, I would not have met the boy with the beautiful eyes, the flickering half-smile and no past.

Without St Oswald’s. I would not have met Finn.

And without Finn, there would be no story.

Shall we begin?

( The Review (Cut For Spoilers): )

The Verdict:

Nominated for a Costa Book Award, this is a brave novel that tackles homosexuality and yet doesn’t quite come off – mainly because the narrator needs slightly more fleshing out and Rosoff doesn’t quite delve into the homosexual undertones. Despite this, the quality of writing is excellent and the descriptions evocative.

Cross-posted to books and bookworming.

Okay, I have no idea what books to read next, so I am asking for recommendations.

I like fantasy/sci-fi. I'll read a non-fantasy book if it's really good, but I still enjoy fantasy/sci-fi better. Currently I am reading the Gemma Doyle trilogy, but I am almost done so I need something new.

Some of my favorite books are Hunger Games, Harry Potter, and the Uglies series. I also really enjoy books like Un lun don and The Maze Runner.

I tend to avoid vampire books, because most of them came out in response to the Twilight craze. And I don't like Twilight, so I figured I wouldn't like the vampire books that tried to rip it off. BUT, if there are any good vampire books that came out pre-twilight, or if there are any that came out post-twilight but are still good, I will give them a try. For example I've always wanted to read Peeps by Scott Westerfield. Is it any good?

Thanks in advance.

Hey guys,


so today I decided to go get some new ink haha. I got two nautical stars on my chest.


FUCKING OWW.


the pain was kind of rediculous, seeing that my first tattoo [on the shoulder] didn't hurt much at all.


Whatever, it was worth it. :D


( Onward! )


yay :D


-micah

Hey all :) I'm on holiday in CA which was totally unplanned, and exhausting but good to catch up with family and a few friends. If you're in S. CA and can get to Irvine (OC) let me know!

Here's some pics ( Read more... )

Skinned (2008)
Written by: Robin Wasserman
Genre: YA/Science Fiction
Pages: 361 (Trade Paperback)

The premise: snatched for BN.com, which is also the backcover blurb: Lia Kahn was perfect: rich, beautiful, popular — until the accident that nearly killed her. Now she has been downloaded into a new body that only looks human. Lia will never feel pain again, she will never age, and she can't ever truly die. But she is also rejected by her friends, betrayed by her boyfriend, and alienated from her old life.

Forced to the fringes of society, Lia joins others like her. But they are looked at as freaks. They are hated...and feared. They are everything but human, and according to most people, this is the ultimate crime — for which they must pay the ultimate price.

My Rating

Must Have: but with one warning: this is not a plot-driven or action-driven book. If you like character-centric books, particularly those with more of an existential theme, and you love the themes behind the updated Battlestar Galactica (focusing on the cylons), then you're going to have fun with this. It's a good book, and even when I didn't agree with our heroine, never once did I not at least sympathize and understand where she was coming from. Wasserman really gets into the heart of the matter and makes you really THINK about how you'd feel if you were in Lia's shoes. The science fictional elements and social reaction to those elements are also very strong, which surprised me, though I don't know why: for whatever, unfair reason, I expect the science in YA SF to be light and fluffy and non-existent, not explained in detail (which isn't to say the science used in Skinned is accurate or not, but it makes you wonder about how such an process could take place in the future). At any rate, it's a pretty strong start of a series, and I'll definitely be picking up the next installment, Crashed, once it's released in trade paperback. :)

Review style: spoilers, because this isn't the kind of heavily plot-driven book the premise makes it out to be. It's actually very, very character-driven, and it's hard NOT to spoil such books. So if you want to avoid said spoilers, there's no need to click the link below to my LJ. Otherwise, click away! Comments and discussion are most welcome. :)

REVIEW: Robin Wasserman's SKINNED

Happy Reading!

I'm having a lot of difficulty now with forcing myself to come out to my family. I've just started hormones so it's extra frustrating to still have them call me the wrong name, wrong pronoun, and to be unable to share a huge part of my life with them.

How were you able to work yourself up to being able to come out to your family? Any advice from people with very religious and/or conservative families would be especially appreciated.

Although I'm not religious, my family is... would it be inappropriate or out of line to include scripture along with interpretations of how this scripture relates to trans people not automatically being against the principles of Christianity? Or would it just be better to focus my energy into more secular "okay so your relative is trans here's a nice trans 101" literature?

I know there's never really a good time to come out, but this year has been especially bad for my family and as irrational as it is I feel like I'm just adding to it if I come out... even though in a few months my voice may change noticeably and I really don't want to lie to them about why my voice is different.

A friend recommended that i post something like this, to try to find others similar to me..

Ive been out as trans (to myself) since january 2 years ago. I've just recently started transitioning, I started estrogen in October, MtF. I'm very active in the LGBT community, I even lead my campus' GSA.

( Read more... )

I just feel really screwed up right now, I dont know how to recover. I was doing so good this semester.. I was able to go into rooms full of strangers and say plainly "Im trans and these are my needs" but now.. now I feel theres no strength left at all.

What do I do? Am I alone?

Greetings, gentlemen!
I know my question may be googled, but I will be sincerely grateful for any hint. 
I'm a proud owner of Goodfella now - and it needs another design of harness. Which one do you use w/this guy? DIY methods are valuable :)

renaissance2010
Turning to photography as a creative outlet during a valiant fight with breast cancer at age 34, renaissance10 survived and set up a photo contest to help raise funds for the Lavender Trust, a nonprofit that provides information and support to younger women with breast cancer. In the first two years, the competition brought in over £65,000 (that's $107,260.73 U.S.!), with entries from 130 countries last year. Renaissance10 recently joined LiveJournal to meet other passionate photographers and find supportive friends.

curiouscupcakes
Holy buttercream frosting! If you have a sweet tooth for sugary goodness or a wandering eye for whimsical confection, this is pure ecstasy iced in deliciousness. Hailing the beloved cupcake as the artisinal canvas of choice, you'll enjoy recipes, photos, and bountiful tips to bake up a batch, whether your taste leans toward French classics or funky and flavorful.

mission101
With New Years in the offing, it's an ideal time to reflect on past accomplishments, make peace with disappointments, and refocus the lens on future goals. This community welcomes you to create a bucket list of 101 things you plan to accomplish in the next 1,001 days. Offering support, guidance, and inspiration, this is a great way to jumpstart those pesky resolutions.

How many of you have been told this when trying to explain things to friends, family, or professionals? How does it make you feel?

While I do agree with the general concept, I think it's become a "buzz phrase" that people use when someone feels bad about their appearance. However, it upsets me to be told this in regard to my physical sex and gender. It isn't the same as being overweight or underweight; short or tall; having blue eyes or brown. We can't just go on a diet, wear platform shoes, or buy some contact lenses. Physical sex is (arguably) at the core of all things that have to do with our bodies. Every day, we are met with countless ways in which we are treated differently during social interactions because of our gender. It affects the opportunities we are given, the friends we make, the careers we may be pushed toward or away from, the people who are attracted to us (even in theory), and so many other things! And the options we have at our disposal for changing it are limited and financially expensive (but thankfully they are there!).

I have spent my entire life being thoroughly disgusted by what is between my legs, what I lack at my chest, and the shape of my body (among many other things). I feel like an alien. I look in the mirror and feel detached from what I see. "It's not me," I keep thinking, even though I know the unfortunate truth: It is. At the very least, it's my body as it is right now. And as long as I have some method, somewhere--something!--that I can do about it, I am going to pursue it. I think it is an insult to be told that I should just sit down, put my feet up, count my blessings, and be happy for something as life-defining and emotionally / psychologically troubling as this. I have even been told by my very own best (female) friend that I am being "shallow" by wishing so fervently to be female! I'm not sure the last time I have been so hurt and insulted by someone I trust and love so dearly (not counting the things my blood-family has done to me).

I surely hope I am not alone in this. Like I said, I do generally believe that our character is what makes us an individual. However, I don't think it can be argued how our sex defines us (in both our own eyes and in that of the world around us) in a multitude of other ways. This isn't a phase, it's not selfish ambition, nor is it wrong. To be handed the rhetoric we already know to be true in a general sense, we are not only being insulted as transgender people, but also as intelligent and self-conscious individuals.

Thoughts, opinions, and discussion on this topic would be highly appreciated.

I was asked that question over two years ago in a counseling session, and not sure exactly why, my best answer was "To fit in. To be accepted to the group I want to be part of." But this year's end has me reflecting that maybe that was only partially right.

I am quite comfortable wearing minimal makeup and casual clothes. But having been taken advantage of by two men, seeing "that thing" between my legs horrifies and saddens me. What is the link between these two events? It's rather causal and circular. In memoir fashion, I found it easiest to go back one link at a time.

I know what needs to be "down there," and can visualize it quite clearly after visiting Dr. Saran's page. I remember at the age of 16, perhaps even younger, wanting it to go back in. It didn't feel right for me. I tucked the whole thing in the groin skin folds, but it wouldn't stay. It just kept popping out. I tried over and over several times over the years, to just try to get it to go back. At 16, and for many years, crossdressing, even though mostly just underdressing, took second place to relying on my imagination of being female in sexual encounters. I hoped, as a person of faith, that if I wore girl's clothing, especially the underwear, things would go the way I felt they should have been.

As a child and a teenager, I never got along with the majority of children. I found more friends among the girls, and I didn't try to be male or female as a preschooler. I just was. It was the presence of other girls, not the games they played or the clothes the wore (except for one skirt that the little girl made look so beautiful twirling in), and not most of the toys they owned that I was drawn to.   I felt more comfortable in the female circles. I have learned over the last year from women's circles, that gender in me is at least 50% resonance. I feel more comfortable in a non-sexual way and more as if I were with my own kind in the room.

Naturally, I was attracted to the kitchen, the enclave of the women, because so much time was spent there preparing food. It was when I was separated from the people I felt comfortable with because I was a "boy," that I began to feel so alone. That loneliness was reinforced by being forced to do things that "men do," further segregating me. Eventually, when adolescence hit, I was at times disgusted with my development, and at other times hoping I could find a way to not be alone "as a man." I used to masturbate to random images from the television, and tried to make myself "feel like a man." But it never worked, and I grew dissatisfied at least half the time with that "thing that stood in my way," and was so annoying and embarrassing. I knew I liked women, but my internal images were always liking them "as a woman." My slow adolescence in a way was a blessing, as I wasn't forced to look like what appeared to me to be 30-year old men in my classmates. I wasn't, at least, physically required to present as a dominant muscle-bound male (at least, not yet).

Of course, I wound up so internally turmoiled that I had few, if any, true friends.

I dress femininely, because at 16 and 44, I would do anything to have my sex fit what I have known it must be, because I still have faith that by doing so, God will put things right. I dress because I have to present as a woman for at least a year before I can have the surgery. I dress femininely to be accepted, but I have learned how to dress comfortably and still be Ma'amed.

Why do I crossdress or live full-time outside of work? So I can have what's between my legs put right and be counted among the women.

Hugs and God Bless,
Sophie

I am experiencing more and more frequent and heavy night sweats. I'm on 2 x 2mg estrodiol valerate and 3 monthly zolodex. Any ideas about causes and mitigation? I suspect it'll be rooted in the artificial menopause I have induced...